From My Pen

Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs lost in the 55^th Super Bowl game to Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers by a score of 31 to 9. This loss of my beloved Chiefs started me to thinking, what would have happened if…?

What would have happened if Patrick Mahomes, best young quarterback in football today, in my opinion, said “I don’t accept this lost”. What would have happened if he said “the Buccaneers didn’t win and the Chiefs are still the Super Bowl Champions”. What would have happened if he said “the officials in the game had it in for us and all the calls they made in the game were false and wrong” What would have happened if Patrick called the NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, and said “look we won the game all you need to do is say that we won and, award us 23 more points”. What would have happened if the Kansas City Chiefs fans agreed with Patrick Mahomes and said they were not going to acknowledge the Buccaneers win either. What would have happened if Patrick Mahomes took to the PA system and told the Chief fans to storm the capital, I mean field. What would have happened if the Chief fans stormed the field and many people got injured 5 of them fatally so. Think about this what would have happened, if all this happened?

The spirit of competition is as old as America and apple pie. Colon Powell says about competition “The healthiest competition occurs when average people win by putting in above average effort” Competition when done fairly makes all sides better. The winners are awarded the big trophy, receive fat paydays and bragging rights. The losers, well, the losers go back to the drawing board only now with a renewed knowledge of what to do next time to win. They should say “here’s how I’m going to beat you next time. I’m going to outwork you. That’s it, that is all there is to do”.

Fortunately, I don’t have to think about this any longer, none of this really happened, well, save for the fact that the Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs did lose to Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 31 to 9 and one fan did storm the field. The jury is still out whether Patrick told him to or not.

If you’ve ever been on a conference or video call inevitably you have heard someone on the call tell one of the meeting participants “you’re on mute”. I’ve heard this statements countless times especially in today’s virtual environment. However, for some reason it took on a whole new meaning for me in a recent virtual meeting. The host was talking about the meeting participant not being able to be heard but for me at that moment it exemplified a couple of life lessons.

The first life lesson is, when you are on mute you can still hear other’s good ideas however, your good ideas go unheard. 

Your turn comes to speak in the meeting and we are so used to just starting to speak. And others in the meeting are yelling out “you’re on mute” or “I can’t hear you”. Sometimes we are so focused on what we are saying we have gotten two or three sentences in before we hear the people say “you’re on mute.” 

Sometimes in life I will hear a voice say “say an encouraging word to that total stranger” or “pay the bill for the car behind you” and I walk or drive away without doing it, only to realize down the road I needed to do something key before I walked or drove away. In a sense, I failed to implement the heard voice, muting my better judgement, because I was so focused on what I was doing. It is the equivalent of being, two or three sentences in before you hear the people say “you’re on mute”.

The second life lesson is, when you are on mute all you have to do to get off mute is one simple action and then you can be heard. This wasn’t always the case in some of the popular software that are used to hold virtual meetings. When we first started doing virtual meetings the host could mute and unmute everyone, they had total control over your voice. The software makers have since made changes, where now the host can mute everyone, however, to get unmuted you have to do it yourself.

The key words in this statement are “you” “do” “yourself”. Whether you muted yourself or someone else did, if you don’t do some type of action to unmute, the rest of the people in the meeting won’t be able to hear your great ideas. 

Sometimes in life people and circumstance will try and mute you. People will talk about you and circumstances can cripple you both making it seem as they have total control over your voice. You can choose to allow your voice to be smothered or you can unmute yourself. The key words being “you” “unmute” “yourself”. No one can do it for you.

Don’t get me wrong there are times in life when you do need to be on mute. When someone else is speaking or making a point, when you want to say something but you don’t have your thoughts together yet or when it just isn’t appropriate to say anything.

Look, all I’m trying to tell you is this, for me the phrase “you’re on mute” took on a whole new meaning that evening on my conference call, but I am not so unique,  if you have a voice inside telling you to write a book and you haven’t yet, you’re on mute, if in your spirit you know you need to change jobs and you haven’t yet, you are on mute, if you know you are supposed to leave a relationship behind and you haven’t, you’re on mute, if your spirit is telling you to do your ice breaker speech or any speech or role in Toastmasters and you haven’t done it yet, guess what, you’re on mute.  If you are led to do anything useful and kind in society and you haven’t done it yet, you are on mute and the question I pose to you is what are you going to do about it?

A friend of mine told me that he and his family really wanted to get involved in the peaceful protesting that has been going on throughout the communities across the world. He found out that his particular community was going to meet up at an appointed time in the city’s downtown area to kneel for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. When the time came he and his family took a knee and knelt down as did all the other protesters. After what seemed like a while his son asked “how long have we been kneeling it feels like we have been down here for a very long time.” My friend looked at the timer and said it has only been one minute.

My friends telling of this story starting me to thinking about this whole concept of time. I spend time working sleeping watching tv I was thinking if this was the last 8 minutes and 46 seconds of my life am I doing the most important thing right now. Am I fulfilling my purpose. Let’s just think about this for a second what could you do in 8 minutes and 46 seconds? I was curious about this so I googled it and here are some activities I found out you can do: You could bake a batch of cookies, you can walk or run a mile, two if you are very fast. you can present a Toastmaster speech, I knew that one on my own because I have done it,  you can write an entire song or a major scene of a play, and you can kill a man all in eight minutes forty-six seconds. What could you do in 8 minutes and 46 seconds?

Could you apologize for that rude thing you said? Could you risk being vulnerable to tell your  family about your fears? Would you scream I can’t breathe? Could you stop being stubborn and ask for help?” Could you call out to your mom? if you knew you only had 8 minutes and 46 seconds left on this earth what could you do? What would you do?

If you knew you only had 8 minutes and 46 seconds left what pictures would flash through your minds eye?  Would you see a life well lived? A life of triumphs, victories and successes? Would you see a life the family left behind would be proud of and would say well done good and faithful servant so glad you can rest? If you knew you only had 8 minutes and 46 seconds left what pictures would your mind’s eye draw?

So far we have talked about things that we can do to push our lives forward but what about when circumstances or people hold us down. Is time the same for everyone? It seems time moves differently depending on what side of the 8 minutes and 46 seconds you are on. If you are the one holding someone down, it seems you have all the time in the world, time moves slowly. However, when you are the one being held down time moves very fast. Time is definitely different depending on what side of the 8 minutes and 46 seconds you are on.

You might ask me why 8 minutes and 46 seconds? Why not 8 minutes or 9? This was the precise time that one man’s life went from 46 years to 8 minutes 46 seconds. Had the 46 years that was spent doing whatever was done overshadowed by the last 8 minutes and 46 seconds? 

What about you at some point you are going to get to the end will the last 8 minutes and 46 seconds mean more than the prior 21, 34, 55, 62 years that came before it? 

What are those things that you want to accomplish in the next day week month or year and what do you need to do in this 8 minutes and 46 seconds so that in your last 8 minutes and 46 seconds you can say it is finished.

This past Tuesday while running from one meeting to head to another, I stopped in the woman’s restroom to take care of business and freshen up a bit. Because I was scheduled to present I wanted to appear fresh and polished. I exited the stall and stepped up to the counter. As I washed my hands I felt a spreading dampness against my legs; I looked down at my slacks to find I was soaking wet. It was at this point I screamed those words I have screamed so many times before: “WHY IS THERE ALWAYS WATER ON THE WOMEN’S BATHROOM COUNTER?!” The restroom counter isn’t just wet at work I have found that in virtually every women’s restroom I have visited across America the counter is always wet. Movie theaters, Hotels, restaurants,  and they are even soaking  wet in the porta-potty at the Arts festival. As a matter of fact the only place that I have found a dry counter is in my own home. 

 “Ugh, what am I going to do now?” I have five minutes to get to my next meeting to present an awesome speech to a room full of new hires on why they need to be a part of Toastmasters.

Another woman in the room heard my cries and she proceeded to answer. “The reason why the counter is always wet is that instead of each woman wiping off the counter after they wash their hands they just expect the attendant to do it.” “They expect the attendant to do it”, I parroted back to her, the attendant has other responsibilities they can’t spend all day waiting to wipe down the counter.” If everyone pitched in and did their part the bathroom experience would be a much nicer one. Well, as nice of an experience as a bathroom trip can be.

As I rushed off to my presentation, wet pants and all, I thought about how this whole wet counter business reminded me of a question I am always screaming right before my Toastmasters meeting. “WHY IS THE VPE ALWAYS BEGGING MEMBERS TO SIGN UP FOR ROLES RIGHT BEFORE THE MEETING?!” Can it be for the same reason women leave the countertop wet? Are members expecting someone else to fulfill the roles? If this is the case I repeat the statement I said to the lady in the restroom “ The VPE has other responsibilities they can’t just stand around all day asking for members to sign up for roles. Each Toastmaster has volunteered and promised our fellow members we would do EVERYTHING we could to further the goals of self, club, area and district. If everyone pitched in and did their part the Toastmasters meeting experience would be much nicer. And not just nice but unimaginably great!

• Why does Best Buy ask for your email when you purchase a cell phone charger? 
• Why do service people ask for the best number to reach you then call on your other number?
• Why do we like our food piping hot and then blow it cold? 

The word WHY is such a small word, it is only 3 letters but when asked it is filled with so much expectation. 

• Why do the stars come out at night? 
• Why do I have to do homework? 
• Why do I have to go to bed? 
• Why did you join Toastmasters? (Ah, didn’t see that one coming)

William Barclay says there are two great days in a person’s life, the day we are born and the day we discover why.

Well, I apologize but I don’t have the answers to your most important whys. I can however, tell you some answers to why you should participate wholeheartedly in Toastmasters.

It hones your communication and leadership skills: If you participate, if you do the projects, it will take you out of your comfort zone. And life begins at the end of your comfort zone. If you are like me you try to do everything you can NOT to leave your comfort zone. The comfort zone is controlled, the comfort zone is manageable and the comfort zone is predictable. Sometime though controlled isn’t fun, sometimes manageable isn’t exciting and sometimes predictable doesn’t bring the AWESOMENESS that is YOU and ME! And the world is being deprived of a GREAT story if we stay in our comfort zone. 

The fun and the fellowship: If you participate you will see the benefits of a Toastmasters membership immediately. Because in completing the projects it affords you the opportunity to practice your words, your writing, your gesturing and a whole host of other competencies in a safe friendly fun environment alongside other people who are there for the same reasons you are there, to become better at communicating and leading. 

Well, I may not have shed any light on why Best Buy needs your email address to buy a phone charger, but I hope I have hit on some reasons you should want to participate in Toastmasters wholeheartedly. And since you’re already participating wholeheartedly, why not film your WHY and inspire others? If you would like to share your 1-2 minute WHY story let’s get together. Send me an email: deehibbs5915@gmail.com and let’s get it on tape.

The other night I was flipping through my television channels and happened upon an old episode of Superman. Those of you who follow the comics know that Superman is really Daily Planet reporter, Clark Kent. Clark Kent coined a phrase. Anytime that he was out researching a story and saw evil things happening he would say “this looks like a job for Superman” and he would go inside a phonebooth and change from Clark Kent, reporter, to Superman, Superhero. As Superman he would eradicate the danger, threat, or evildoer and then ‘whoosh’ change back into Clark Kent without anyone being the wiser.

The superman quote started me to thinking about Toastmasters. A couple of weeks ago, myself and all of my colleagues attended a mandatory “all hands” meeting at work. While I will spare you the granular details the basic premise of an “all hands” is for upper level management to inform the workforce about how the overall agency is performing, give recognition awards and answer questions employees might have about the agency. As an audience member listening to all the stutters, and filler words and nervous laughter and no vocal variety what so ever, I found myself saying “this looks like a job for Toastmasters”. 

Now, I am certainly not suggesting that becoming a Toastmaster will make one a superhero but if a person were to join and follow the program it would certainly help eradicate the danger of boring presentation; eliminate the threat of one losing their audience in minutia and stamp out the evil distractions of filler words that detract from the point.

Toastmasters can change a terrible presenter into a great presenter and everyone will be the wiser.

One of my favorite movies during this time of the year is “It’s A Wonderful Life” the reason is I believe there are some great Toastmasters and life lessons that we can glean from this movie. Just in case you are not familiar let me give you a brief synopsis of the crucial life lesson parts.

The main character George Bailey is given a once in a lifetime opportunity by his guardian angel, Clarence, to see what life would be like if he had never been born. The first thing he sees is the druggist, Mr. Gower, that he stopped from poisoning a kid has become a homeless ex-convict. George’s wife, Mary, is a spinster who works as a librarian in the town library. The small town, Bedford Falls, that George remembers as homey and sweet is now a city of ill repute and is called Pottersville, named after Mr. Potter, the meanest richest man in town. Probably the most important and significant thing he is allowed to see is when Clarence shows him the grave of his brother Harry and the tells him that “your brother Harry died as a boy when he broke through the ice and drowned”. George says to Clarence “that’s a lie”, “Harry went to the military and saved an entire crew of men on a transport” and Clarence says “every man on that transport died, Harry wasn’t there to save them because you weren’t there to save Harry.” 

Clarence tells George “each man’s life touches so many other lives and when he isn’t around it leaves an awful hole, you really had a wonderful life don’t you see what a shame it would be to throw it all away?”

I am not an angel, well some say I am not an angel, and I can’t show you what your life would be like if you were never born, but I can give you an opportunity to know what your Toastmaster meetings and events would be like when you’re not there because you are “BUSY”. 

“BUSY” is the meanest, richest, most often used tool in our tool box. “BUSY” changes our meetings from a positive safe learning environment to a negative disorganized mess. First, it makes us scramble to fill meeting roles and creates stress and distractions. Second, it keeps us from getting the maximum benefits from out meetings. When we don’t show up to the meetings because we are “BUSY” someone else has to compensate for our absence and they don’t get the maximum benefit either. Finally, the most significant thing that happens when we are “BUSY” is the speaker doesn’t get practice in front of a live audience.

Often times we think “if I miss what will it hurt?” While Toastmasters focuses on the individual it requires a team. With some performing double roles and roles left unfilled due to absence no one gets the full experience of the Toastmaster program.

Each members life touches so many other member’s lives and when we are BUSY and don’t attend the meetings it leaves an awful hole. Toastmasters has given us a wonderful program can’t we see what a shame it would be to throw it all away?

Every member’s contribution has purpose no matter how big or small. Even if it is showing up to the meetings to be a part of the listening audience.

For the past two weeks I’ve served on jury duty. Before you thank me for my service I didn’t want to do it. The disruption to my normal routine and the further behind I’d get in my work projects, were the excuses I told myself for not wanting to serve. Before you judge me, I wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to do it, there were 66 other people who didn’t want to serve for similar reasons. My attitude quickly changed after going through the orientation process and finding out more of how the court system works. You are dealing with people’s lives and sometimes their livelihoods. But what really changed my mind was at the end of the orientation the jury commissioner asked what would happen to your fellow citizens if no one wanted to serve? He told us to put ourselves in the defendants shoes, “wouldn’t you want someone to serve on your behalf?” The court system works because fellow citizens are willing to sit and listen and judge the evidence and facts on behalf of the defendant and render a verdict.

The questions the Jury Commissioner asked started me thinking about the Toastmasters program.  What if no one wanted to serve? What if members made excuses about the club meetings disrupting their normal routines or falling behind in their work projects so they couldn’t serve in the various meeting roles, like grammarian, Timer or Evaluator. What would happen to the member seeking to improve their communication and leadership skills? The program works because members are willing to serve in roles that help fellow members achieve their best leadership and communication skills.

I’m glad I got to experience jury duty, it taught me a lot about the court system, the legal process and some of my fellow citizens. I had the opportunity to impact someone’s life hopefully for the better.

Each time I attend and serve in a Toastmasters meeting I have that same opportunity to impact someone’s life, hopefully for the better. So the next time you make an excuse not to attend a meeting put yourself in your fellow members shoes and serve to the best of your ability.

Last Sunday my Pastor talked about having access to something yet not having any power. Because of the storms on Saturday night the church had no power on Sunday morning. My Pastor said, “he flipped the light switch but nothing happened”. “Even though he had access to lights he had no power.”

This sermon started me to thinking about how many inside and outside of our Toastmasters organization have access to better communication, better listening, and better leadership but they do not have the power these things can bring.

Some people join and they come to the meetings, they get the materials, but they never do a speech or accept a role. They have access to better communication, better listening and better leadership but they have no power.

People outside the organization that you meet and talk to about Toastmasters always say, “I need to join that”, or “I’m going to come to a meeting as soon as I have time.” They have access to better communication, better listening, and better leadership because they know you, but they have no power.

One hour before service was to start, the power was restored. This time when Pastor flipped the light switch a remarkable thing happened, the lights came on. We had a spectacular service and many came down and joined. We used our access to plug into the available power. 

Can you imagine what would happen if the members inside of the Toastmaster organization used the resources, stepped into the various roles and plugged into their power? If those outside the organization accepted your invitation to access better communication, better listening, better leadership and plugged into their power? The meetings would be spectacular and many would come and join.

A few weeks ago I had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. We went to a casual dining place and we both had salads. We had a wonderful time catching up, we laughed and shared memories and then we parted ways.

A few weeks later I saw my friend and she wasn’t as happy to see me as the first time. I asked her had I done something wrong and she proceeded to tell me that on the day we had lunch she had some spinach in her teeth from her salad and I didn’t tell her. She had gone on with her day and noticed she was getting funny looks and snickers but she blew it off as nothing. It wasn’t until she made it home and her husband told her she had something in her teeth that she realized why people were snickering. I reassured my friend that I had not noticed anything in her teeth but had I noticed I certainly would have told her.

This incident caused me to think about the power of feedback in the Toastmasters program. Feedback is one of the most important aspects of our Toastmasters program. Some would say it is the glue that holds the program together. Giving members constructive feedback on their speech and leadership projects helps them hone and sharpen their communication and leadership skills so they aren’t unwittingly walking around with “spinach in their teeth”. Good feedback will mitigate funny looks and snickers when they stand to speak. Receiving meaningful feedback is how we grow our skills.

I wouldn’t have let my friend go out into public with spinach in her teeth had I known. And we shouldn’t let our fellow Toastmaster members go out that way either. Let me say right here and now, “Please tell me if I have spinach in my teeth!”

If you are asked to be an evaluator in your club here are a few evaluation starters to give good feedback.

1. Meet with your speaker before the club meeting and find out what they would like for you to evaluate them on.
2. Get an advanced copy of the evaluation form so you know what the objectives of the project are.
3. When in doubt as to what to say use the P.I.E. method of evaluating. (Give Praise, Give an area of Improvement, Give Encouragement)

 

About two months ago I went out to my garage to start my car and it wouldn’t start. Fortunately, I am a member of the AAA auto club. If you have ever had to call AAA you know the very first thing the representative asks you is are you in a safe place? Now, of course I was in a safe place, my car happened to breakdown in my garage. While waiting for the service person I couldn’t help but think there is a definite correlation between being in a safe place with the car and being in a safe place in the Toastmasters program.

I think there are three types of safe places: The first one is a place where the person wants to do better but they just don’t want to make the effort to get it done. They know the car is not safe but they just keep hoping that miraculously it will get fixed.

This is a Toastmaster that joins they say they want to improve their communication and leadership skills but they just can’t get it done. They are too busy and they are always coming up with an excuse to not attend a meeting. They just hope that miraculously their leadership and communication skills will get better and improve.

The second safe place is the person who is fine just where they are the car has some small quirks it has some small leaks it’s costing nickel and dime money but they are ok with that, just satisfied where they are.

This is a Toastmaster that joins and they come to the meetings and they may or may not do a role. They will do the Ice Breaker Speech but 2 years will pass before they do another speech they know they probably should do more but they just become satisfied with where they are.

The third safe place is the place where I was when the AAA person asked if I was in a safe place I was at my house. I wasn’t on the side of the road or a dangerous place, I was in a safe place.

This is a Toastmaster that joins and right away gets busy. They speak every opportunity that they are able and when they don’t see an opportunity they create opportunities to communicate and lead.

Now, let me just say I’m not saying any one of these safe places is better than the other. I’m not suggesting that any one will get you more than the other, I am simply asking, District 40 Toastmasters are you in a safe place?

Last Sunday my Pastor talked about what insurance companies consider an act of God versus what Christians consider an act of God. Insurance companies see hurricanes, floods, and lightning strikes as acts of God. They use these natural occurrences to explain why they are not going to pay a claim, even though they probably should. Those that believe in God consider a baby being born to a woman who was told she was barren, becoming cancer free after being told you have six months to live,  and graduating with a PhD after being told you have a learning disability as acts of God. “It is interesting to me” my Pastor said, “that the insurance companies see acts of God in the negative but those who believe only see acts of God in the positive.”

This sermon started me to thinking about how many outside of our Toastmasters organization view acts of Toastmasters versus how those who are members consider acts of Toastmasters. Non-members see fear of public speaking, making mistakes and looking foolish in front of people as acts of Toastmasters. They use these excuses to decide why they are not going to join a club even though they probably should. Those of us who are members of Toastmasters see speaking with confidence, becoming better leaders, better listeners, better writers and networking as acts of Toastmasters. It is interesting to me that those outside the organization see acts of Toastmasters in the negative but those who are members only see the positive.

Now, I am in no way comparing acts of God to acts of Toastmasters but you have to admit that people are people everywhere you go and those things we don’t know much about we instantly categorize them as negative.

How do we get those non-members to become members you may ask? By continuing to perform our acts of Toastmasters.